Tuesday, 15 July 2008

• Spiritual Leadership and Dating

  Lately it seems that a significant number of my Christian female friends are dating non-Christian guys.  These are women that I looked up to and considered to be pretty strong in their faith.

  Now, this isn't going to be another entry about the pitfalls of being "unequally yoked" or whether it's right or not to date a non-Christian.  I'm sure that topic has been beaten to death and people who feel one way or the other about it won't change their minds.

  I'm wondering if what I see is unique to me or if it's the same everywhere.

  What I've noticed, in general, is when Christian men I know date or marry non-Christian women, in most cases (in the few that I know), the woman becomes a Christian.  But usually when the Christian women I know date or marry non-Christian men, the man rarely becomes a Christian.  I guess this could be used as evidence that men are pig-headed and stubborn, but I'm wondering if it's more than that.

  I wonder if not only is there a mandate (haha, no pun intended) in the Bible that men be the spiritual leaders in their marriages, but if there is actually a spiritual tendency for Christian men to take the lead and Christian women to follow that lead.  This is not to say that I think that Christian women are mindless zombies who just do whatever the guy says (believe me, in my experience, nothing could be further from the truth).  But from talking to Christian women, I know that one of the top qualities they look for is that they are leaders.

  So when a woman chooses someone who can't possibly lead them in a Christian relationship, I wonder what the repercussions will be. 

  I know that there's the eternal hope that someday they might become a Christian, but I think that is akin to randomly pulling a box out of the freezer at the store and hoping it's going to be your favorite flavor of ice cream... nevermind the freezer is in the seafood department... but I digress...

  Granted, there are Christian men who need more than a lesson or two on what it really means to lead a Christian relationship, but at least there is an avenue.

  Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but I think tendencies are a very powerful indicator.

  I also see that it almost seems more "accepted" that Christian women can date non-Christian men than the other way around.  Again, is it just in my circle?  I can't think of a single guy I know who is a devout Christian who is dating a non-Christian woman, but  I can think of several devout Christian women who are dating non-Christian men. 

  I don't know... maybe it's a Korean, parent-pleasing thing... that Korean parents generally care more that their children marry someone who is Korean than if they're Christian.

  Which brings me to a funny story... I once asked my mom if she had a choice between me marrying a non-Christian Korean or a Christian non-Korean, which she'd prefer.  There was a long pause... it was like that scene in "War Games" (very old movie) where the nuclear launch computer was locked up because it was forced to play tic-tac-toe with itself and couldn't find a way to win.  After a few moments she said, "Yah! (a Korean exclamation of disdain) don't ask stupid questions!  Why not both!"

  Then she asked, "How about a nice game of chess..." (kidding, you won't get that reference if you haven't seen the movie...)

  • 11:47 AM
  • 494 Views
  • 2 eProps
  • 1 Comment